Call me morbid, but I hope my funeral will be this festive. I believe we should always find a reason to laugh…no matter the circumstances. Because finding humor, especially in the darkest places, is inherently cathartic…something distinctly human.
My wife and I watched the World Series tonight and reminisced about an unusual phenomenon in baseball, that was quite common from little league — outfield collisions. So, I did what anyone would do. I visited The YouTubes, and found an endless stream of the best outfield collisions.
I must admit, I’ve had some dumb injuries. In third grade, I accidentally sliced open my hand on a frozen bagel. So, I’m quite familiar with dumb injuries. But…isn’t an outfield collision perhaps the dumbest way to get injured in existence? I mean, it’s at least in the same league as slipping on a banana peel. It’s even worse if you collide two other people. I say this, not from an inflated sense of self, but from a genuine appreciation for how specific and beautifully strange this particular situation is. I mean, can you imagine that conversation?
“Hey, bro…how did you get injured?”
“Well. I ran full speed into two other people who were also running full speed.”
“Wait, hold on. So, where were you?”
“…In a wide open field.”
What!? That’s like, a playground injury. I expect that from a group of sugar-crazed three year olds…not from grown-ass men on steroids who make gajillion million every second. I mean, was anybody in that wrecking trio even trying to communicate? It’s like everyone’s saying some variation of, “bro, I got it — no I got — guys, no, really, I got—BOOM.
How is this even possible? You’re sharing a stadium-sized field with nine other people. Are you certain you didn’t see that 180 pound dude — in the pin stripes — sprinting full speed towards that 200 pound dude — also, in the pin stripes — running full speed to the exact place where you were also running full speed?
Okay, I think I’ve ranked this injury as number seven on the dumb injury scale, right after the classic, “accidentally broke my face after stepping on that garden hoe” bit.